WE

We have the most amazing chemistry in the world, we are that couple that stops any conversation just to play with each other and our friends love seeing us. You make flirting so easy, the way we trade candy for kisses, jokes for affection, it feels so natural I feel like it’s fake. There’s just one problem to it: we’re just friends. And I also have a boyfriend, that’s not you.

This has been going on for three years now and I still don’t know why you hug me tighter, you kiss me goodbye even when my dad is next to us, I don’t know why I painted your eyes last week right after I came home from a date with my boyfriend. I don’t love him. I try to say it’s because it’s too soon, but I love you and we have never had anything, right?

I keep telling myself we were meant to be three years ago and now too much has happened, you have slept with too many of my friends and so have I with yours. I fell in love again and so have you, but every time it goes wrong I fall right back to you, do you?

My friends tell me to forget you, but how can I if this blog only exists because of you, I only stopped dying my hair and straightening it because of you, I only listen to bossa nova because of you. You didn’t make me listen to jazz and blues, but you made me understand what they felt, how it is to lose the one you love. Twice, three, four, five times. How many more times do we have to strike before we hit it?

I know you ask about me to other people and so do I, but why do we wait for excuses just so we can stay together for as long as possible, pretending we are at a friend’s birthday. Just like we pretend to have moved on.

We got our love stolen away right when he stole me from you and she stole you from me. He messed me up and she made you a better man, more mature; he made me realize i was pansexual. But no matter how long it takes, you’ll be an actor I’ll be a lawyer. My heart will still skip a beat when I see a tall skinny kid with curly black hair. And I know you’ll always get butterflies when someone talks about short fat girls with messy hair, anxiety and huge glasses.