Intimacy

We’re together for a while now, I know your smiles, I know when they’re fake, I know when they’re out of anxiety. I know you don’t like my friends and, in fact, that you don’t like anyone around us. I know you in a way i have never known anybody else, and so do you. 

You know when I’m angry, you know I don’t like to be touched when I’m mad. You know you can do anything once you’re pulling me closer and holding my waist while you’re kissing me. I know you use that trick way to many times when you want something I don’t.

I told you I didn’t want to have sex because I hadn’t shaved. You told me you dind’t mind at all. We went to a motel because we wanted to sleep, I lied down and closed my eyes and you asked me what was wrong. I took my clothes off and you put on a condom. We both came like we always do and you did what you always do and I screamed and moaned like I always do because you’re so good.

I didn’t want it, but I liked it. That’s us, I never wanted a boyfriend and I never wanted a monogamist relationship, yet here I am. I love you in a way that’s sometimes unhealthy. I’m tired of having to do everything as fast as possible so I can see you because otherwise you’re gonna feel bad and I’m gonna feel guilty. Maybe that’s our problem, we both feel too much and I don’t want you to know that so I just pretend to not feel anything.

Yet I love you and I have to keep proving that to you and I don’t know how I can keep doing so without being so fucking repetitive. All I’m trying to say is I love you, and you have got to believe me, because I suffocate overtime I tell you that as you cry and tell me Things would be better if you weren’t here.

I love you, but we have to change.