What should've been.

Would

I would meet this boy in high school and he would be tall enough to hold me and press me against his chest. He would have brown eyes that would turn green in the sun like Heath Ledger in “10 things I hate about you”. It doesn’t matter what career he chooses as long as he loves politics and is passionate about all that. He’d have very veiny hands and preferably curly hair, the color doesn’t matter. 

We’d have been dating for 6 months and I would be 17 or 18 years old, it would happen between 4 and 6 pm, preferably at 4:25, in April, or at least in the fall. By that time I would have a bigger bed that would stand right under a window that would be open and the sunset lights would creep inside the bedroom. He would go down on me first just in case it would hurt and we would have sex. It’d be my first time but not his, after everything I’d suck his dick and swallow whatever might come out of there and we would just cuddle and sleep. It’d be perfect.

Did

I was raped in the bathroom at a club when I was drunk and drank from a stranger’s cup and my friends didn’t get there on time. I bled and it hurt and I only fully realised what happened 7 months later when I didn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend.