Letter to Myself

This is a letter to congratulate myself for improving in these two first years of University. On my first year, I went through so much trauma that my then-psychologist actually said that I erased the whole year from my memory. Of course, as the bearer of such sorrow I do confirm that it was indeed caused by my academic experience. Some might find it funny how much law school can truly change a person, and I am one of them, as I have constantly made jokes about how much I hate my University. 

Regardless, I am now enrolled in yet another course, which I plan to do simultaneously, that is journalism, and I applied for it as my first graduation, but chose law. Now, looking at those who could’ve been my colleagues and staring vaguely at the life I didn’t have, I realize that the suffering I had to go through in Law School - feeling worthless, dumb, all without mentioning the fact that everyone in my school is at least five social classes above me - have made me a much better and stronger person than I was then or even that I would’ve been if I went to a school that wasn’t so out of my league. 

Yes, it is somewhat of cliche to say that these adversities have helped me in the long run, but I am not saying I am better, I am, in fact, saying that I now have the resources to take on much more ambitious challenges (the ones I have always set up for my adult self) than I would have, hadn’t I chosen the harder path. My life in University has been full of distrust, betrayal and mostly self-loathing for always feeling like the cockroach from metamorphosis. I am also thankful for reading that book at thirteen, for I believe that the clarity of understanding the cockroach feeling is what has truly brought me this far in life. 

So this is not a letter to bloat, tell my younger self that all the crying was for nothing, I did it. I haven’t done it yet, I am not the career woman I aspire to be, yet, in fact I don’t even know what career I want anymore. But now I can be that person. This is a letter to remind myself, in my last week of vacation before I begin my double shift, that no matter how hard it is, you’ve come this far, and you will, you must, get to the finish line. I like to say that I have achieved this with hate in my eyes, rage if you will. But I did not get here because I wanted to prove my professors and colleagues wrong, I got here thanks to my passion. I know that I want to do good in this world and I have chosen the right path for that, and it is thus my duty to complete such path.