Happiness?

All my life, I’ve had problems with guys, I certainly never fell in love, which is normal for someone at the age of sixteen, but I’ve never kissed anyone and I’ve never tried either. I used to think the problem was my looks, I though I was ugly and that was why nobody wanted me, but things changed, people have wanted me, I’ve wanted people who wanted me back, people who I wanted to kiss tried to kiss me and… I pushed them back.

The guy I was in love with, and so was my friend, asked me out, but I decided to invite all our friends because that’s what he was, just a friend. After that, a lot of stuff happened, for example one day, my birthday.

First of may, a holiday here in Brazil, also, my birthday and, obviously, my birthday party. Me and my friend had a dream, we’d go to a party where he would also go to and we would both kiss him, we didn’t want anything serious anyway. Well, we both did, but none of us had hope it would happen, at least that’s what I told her, but in reality, I was sure he was gonna choose me to have something serious because we’re closer already. I still believe he would choose me, if I had tried.

What happened is: it was a party, I was pretending to be over him and genuinely happy for her courage of asking him to kiss her. Therefore, I never asked if he wanted something with me. but he didn’t want anything with her. Thank God she had a friend in common who convinced him to try something, this friend was one of my bet friends who isn’t good at not believing, she really thought I was over him so there was no problem in helping the other one out.

Long story short, yesterday they celebrated a month of serious dating and are extremely happy together. Me? I certainly don’t like him anymore, but I couldn’t help but stare at his veiny hands while they took photos together. I can’t deny that. if I thought they were to break up, I’d try something with him, as long as she let me though.

The truth is: in the end, they’re happy and I’ll find my way out.