my guy

Did you know I have never been in a relationship before? And no, I’m not talking about a serious relationship I am saying that the closest thing to a relationship that I have ever had was a friendship with benefits when I was ten and we would only give little kisses on the lips. Maybe it’s not right to start something so different with someone when Im in love with someone else, but I keep falling for you all the time.

Your confidence makes me feel safe. The way you fix me every time we go too far and your hand are inside my clothes makes me feel like something you have borrowed and gave it back just the way it was before. But you don’t know that every single time we kiss you make a small piece of me a bit more colourful. I love the way you greet me with a quick kiss, but take way too long to say goodbye.

I always hated people that held hands, and sometimes I’m too distracted and trade your hand for a piece of paper to play with, but they fit so nice and comfortably that I just can’t take it away. I love how you kiss me while we’re waiting for something, I love it when you kiss me because I said something silly, I love when you kiss me because I am foolishly positive.

I think you think we are something, but you didn’t say anything to that guy telling you about other pretty girls. Still you are always worried about me and if I got home safely. But I still don’t know if I get crazy in my stomach or somewhere further down. Maybe you don’t know me at all, maybe we just disagree on the colour of my eyes, but I like you.

I know you live your life very differently from me, I know you are not the guy but you are my guy right now and I know there is something that makes me your girl. Maybe it’s all in the way you pull my hair and grab my face because I go too fast and you don’t want to disrespect me, maybe it’s because you waited a month and a half just to grab my but. Maybe it’s because you didn’t give me a hickey when I told you my mom would be mad.

Sometimes you throw me around just looking for the best place to make out. Sometimes you try to sneak in a kiss in the middle of the mall and I just say something random for you to stop. Then you do it again and all I can do is grab your jacket and pull you closer to me. Sometimes I get tired of how sweet you are when all I wanted was for you to fuck me, but making love seemed so stupid and so great with you.