Saudade.

When I was little I used to watch High School Musical and just think “I’ll miss these people from school so much”, but I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I don’t miss anyone and I don’t feel like I will miss the people around me now next year. 

I used to study in this very small school until I was fourteen, then I changed to a huge school where I’ve been since, but I am graduating this year and, no matter what I do, I will end up stop talking to all of them. That is just a fact and that does not bother me at all. What really bothers me is the fact that in only three years I have seen these people grow, lose their virginity, lose their innocence, find themselves, learn to drink, learn the magic of drugs, decide what they want to do with their lives. In only three years I have lived to see other’s peoples lives and they have lived mine and that is terrifying.

There was a friend of mine who had a friend who I thought was really cute. This boy has lost his virginity with another friend of a friend and he has learned to smoke with a friend of my nephew and he has helped me do my makeup and choose my clothes and we both had a thing for each other in different moments and all this happened and in three years only, even worse than that, in six months, I’ll never see him again and will eventually forget he even exists.

The dude I constantly write about came into my life six months ago, six months from now I’ll never talk to him. He tells me we’ll keep in touch but this boy will grow to be a man and I will grow to be a woman and all our lives until now will change forever. These people, these souls that wake up every morning to go to school every day and have done so for over ten years are destined to die in only six months.

I won’t miss these people, I won’t miss the memories because they are always here, I won’t miss the school because university is just another school. I will miss myself, I don’t know who is going to be born next year, but I am sure that this little girl that’s writing this text will die by the end of this year and that is the best thing that could ever happen to her.